Nothing Like Some Pudding
by Ishi Mari
Summary: Look at the title and tell me what YOU think it's about! X & Yami no Matsue crossover. AU, kinda...comedy Weeee!
1. Ch1: Choco pudding, the miracle drug!

Nothing like some pudding 

Chapter one, Chocolate pudding, the other miracle drug

Helloooooooo! Ishi again, man I feel like I have a lot of free time on my hands. But anyways, thanks for daring to read this, it's sort of AU, and some OOC, but mostly in the first chapter, and then some slight inserts so don't be too frightened. Its X, and a Yami no Matsue crossover. I warn you, there isn't any shonen-ai or yaoi in it till the last two chapters, so just bear with it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from X, or Yami no Matsue. If I did, I'd kill Muraki nice and slowly….sorry for all u Muraki fans, I'm just voicing my opinion…

"Please sit down." Said the therapist. Kamui sat himself in the seat obediently. Laying back, he stared straight up at the ceiling, his hands placed together on his stomach. He was a bit nervous about spilling his life story to this poor woman whose job was to sit and listen all the way through. It was Subaru's idea, all of it. He recommended that Kamui go see a therapist after he had accidentally walked into Kamui's room to check on him that dreadful night, when Kamui had just so happened to be in one of his 'moods' and mistook the poor Omniojin for Fuma. Now Kamui wasn't the most aggressive person in the world, but, that particular night, he'd felt the sudden urge to see what it was like on top, so, he went for it. I'll leave you to fill in the blanks.

All in all, Subaru took things extremely well, of course he did try to fight back, but let's face it, trying to summon a shikigami from sutras is kind of hard with the distraction of your friend trying to rape you and all. Kind of gets stressful. But, when it was all said and done, Subaru took it like a man (imagine that) and recovered quickly from the shock, then firmly recommended Kamui'd gets some serious help, and he knew the perfect person for the job.

So there Kamui was, sitting in the office of Subaru's blood relative, who just happened to be a therapist. Haku Sumeragi. Kamui watched as the tall, curly-haired chick fiddle with papers, behind her desk, then happily walk over to a chair next to Kamui's, with some notes, and blank sheets of paper all together on a clipboard. In her right hand was a pen, ready to go.

"So, how are you related to Subaru again?" Kamui asked, for he didn't see even the slightest bit of resemblance in appearance or personality. She had a sort of look to her that was just so, so happy. Definitely not Subaru.

"Oh, I'm his second cousin, twice removed by marriage on his mother's side." She said, then added, trying to sound serious, "but this isn't about me, it's about you."

Well, that explains it. Even so, Kamui didn't really find any easy way to explain the situation. It's not every day a therapist gets something like 'Oh, I accidentally took away whatever virginity was left, if any at all, of your cousin, because I mistook him for my closest childhood friend that has been recently molesting me, just because he went crazy, and tore his sister into pieces in front of my eyes, and then decides being sadistic is fun. I was asleep after all, so I couldn't tell the difference between the two.'

Haku could see that her patient was thinking deeply about something, so trying to get the conversation started, she interrupted his thoughts by saying, "So, Kamui, tell me what happened." This caused Kamui to pop out of his own little world and give her a 'you've gotta be kidding' look.

"Don't worry, Subaru informed me of everything before hand. Why don't we start from the beginning? Share everything that lead up to that point." She'd get him to crack soon enough, it's what she did.

"Well," Kamui began, then took a deep breath, "ok…" he'd made up his mind. If she was crazy enough to take him in as a patient, then she'd get what was coming to her.

……….

Two hours later, Kamui had explained everything that lead up to the point in which he went to bed, and began dreaming about Fuma shooting anonymous flying guinea-pigs that had nametags saying, 'Muraki'.

"Well," Haku-san said when Kamui was through, "I'm not sure what your dreams are trying to tell you exactly, but I can say this, you my dear Kamui-kun have U.S.T."

"Wha-?"

"U.S.T."

"Look," Kamui said frustrated, "I don't really understand any of this therapist-lingo, so just say it to me straight sensei, what's wrong with me?"

"U.S.T is an abbreviation for unresolved sexual tension."

"…"

"And you need something to help you with that." As she said this, she walked back behind her desk and pulled out a large box labeled 'Fragile'. Kamui gulped, and then thought, what exactly could help him with unresolved sexual tension, and be 'fragile'? Haku-san then opened the box, with her handy dandy safety scissors. In the box, was nothing else but Chocolate pudding. Yes, chocolate pudding, the miracle drug (even though it's not really a drug, and we all know that Tums has that title).

"Ha!" she exclaimed, "Chocolate Pudding, the miracle drug!"

"But, I thought that was Tums." Kamui said confused.

"Yes, but Tums won't cure U.S.T now will it? Not completely anyways! Now, I will prescribe this pudding to you, take a whole cup three times a day, once in the morning, before eating anything, then, once after lunch and dinner. Side effects, uh, there isn't really anything too severe, so let's not talk about that."

"Wait," Kamui interrupted, "shouldn't I go see my doctor for prescriptions?"

"Normally yes, but the good doctor is out on an extended vacation…"

Briefly flashes to Muraki…

The man dressed in white, right down to his shoes, walked through a cherry blossom tree park, a knife in hand, with the fresh stains of blood covering it, from his latest victim.

"Damn this is like dejavu! All I need now is for Hisoka to pop in and it will be an instant replay of three years ago!"

Just as he said this, a boy with unmistakable green eyes appeared from out of the shadows. It would have looked seriously scary, kind of like when you get the feeling that something really bad is going to happen to the main character (aka Muraki for now) if not for the fact that Hisoka was accompanied by a small blond-haired infant, no more than three years old, in a stroller in front of him. In fact, it was so unexpected, that Muraki didn't notice him at first, and when he did, he took a double take to make sure he wasn't hallucinating again.

"My who is that?" Muraki asked pointing to the little tike.

"He's yours." Hisoka replied.

"Mine, my what?"

"Your somehow baby!" (Dan, dan, dan, Some other creepy music)

Enough of that for now

"So, don't forget to take them, cause if you don't, it'll mess up your whole system. Pudding is easily found in most every food stores. Make sure you get chocolate, and chocolate alone. Call me in a week if you don't see any results." Haku-san explained, giving Kamui some cups of free pudding to hold him for a day.

After she pushed him out the door and bade him goodbye, and the best of luck, Haku sat back in her chair and breathed a sigh of relief. Barely a minute passed when she heard the window open, the scent of fresh doughnuts from Crispy Cream accompanying it. She found her two friends Ishi and Ki making themselves at home on the floor of her office.

"I don't even wanna know how you guys managed to get in through the window considering this is on the fifth floor, but I'm sure glad to see ya!" She exclaimed to the two.

"Hey Ha-chan! We glad to see ya too!" Ishi replied back.

"Yup, and I brought doughnuts!" Ki added holding up the box of doughnuts.

"Cool," Haku said joining them on the floor (somehow, it's now teatime, without the tea) "Hey, guess who I just treated a few minutes ago? Kamui Shiro in the flesh! Seems he has a case of U.S.T."

"It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out." Ishi said.

"Is it your life goal to mess him up?"

""

"Anyways, I prescribed him some chocolate pudding." Haku said cheerfully.

"You didn't?" Ki said shocked, however all she got out of Haku was a big evil smile that said it all. You see, Haku always gives her patients chocolate pudding to drown their worries away, so it was only natural that she'd give it to Kamui too. However, very few people know of the strange side affects chocolate pudding could give to a person who rarely eats chocolate!

This is suppose to be a comedy, can anyone tell? I'm thinking of making Seishiro be one of Haku-san's patients too, and that means, yes, the chocolate pudding gets to him as well! I really like talking in third person though, I think this one's gonna start doing it regularly, well, not so much when I really talk, for the sake of inoccent/normal people. Do keep reading!


	2. Ch2: Just another day at City Hall

Nothing like some pudding

Chapter two, Just another day under City Hall

Ishi would like to say thank you for reading and coming to the next chapter w/out skippin' to the last! You'll be happy to know that us crazies, as in my buddies and I, aren't involved in this chapter, so it's safe, for now!

Disclaimer: This one doesn't own anything or anyone from Yami no Matsue, or X.

Just an F.Y.I for all of you who want to know what's Muraki's reaction to Hisoka claiming that he had a son.

"So, what you're saying, is that that little bugger is of my own flesh and blood?" Muraki questioned, and his answer was a nod, so he continued, "Ah, someone to take my place once I'm dead and gone, oh happy day! But soft, who is the mother, dear messenger?"

"First of all, quit talking like that, it's creeping me out. Your looking at him." Hisoka said then pointing his thumb at himself.

"Ok, sorry…Wait, so do you mean to tell me that instead of cursing you for the rest of your life and afterlife, forever scarred with a mark of eternal hatred, I messed up the incantation and gave you a vagina?"

"No, no! but you did give me this." Hisoka said pointing to the little spawn child.

"How?"

"Somehow." Hisoka said mysteriously, and then there was silence for a bout ten seconds, until Muraki said, "Well, consider me surprised, I have officially found something to add to the dictionary, heh, somehow baby, brilliant!"

Now, instead of being shocked and/or in disbelief, Muraki acted quiet differently than what Hisoka had expected. This was Muraki after all.

"Why didn't you say we had a kid? You've been a naughty uke! But that can wait, this calls for a celebration! Can you say, "Family vacation to Hawaii"?" Muraki exclaimed almost happily! (Scary prospect) And with that, he picked up Hisoka, who was holding Spawn, and ran off into the distance.

Even though the creation of the somehow baby was new to both Muraki and Hisoka, that didn't mean there weren't more of them roaming the earth. No, there were some before Spawn's time, but that's for another story

Meanwhile, more important things were happening. For, under City Hall, the Dragons of Earth had caught wind of Kamui, and Subaru's current situation, by way of the dreamseer, Kakyo. And to be blunt, they weren't taking it as lightly as one would hope. This story has to have a plot somewhere ya know.

Satsuki was walking down the hallway, when she heard noises coming from Kakyo, who should be better described as the 'vegetable' of earth, one of the seven angels, in a coma. Deciding there was nothing better to do, she walked into the room, where she found herself enter one of Kakyo's dreamscapes. This was used so that the rest of the angels could communicate with him. Upon walking into the dreamscape, Satsuki was greeted with the raised voices of Seishiro, Fuma and Kakyo…

"I told ya so, I told ya so! I'm never wrong!"

"Shut up Kakyo, You're giving me a headache."

"I blame you for what happened!"

"Why? It was YOUR uke who attacked MINE in the first place!"

"He learned from the best, what can I say?"

(Just so ya know, it goes Kakyo, Seishiro, Fuma, Seishiro, and then back to Fuma)

Satsuki watched as the two seme argued some more, waiting for the bloodshed to start, either between them, or the poor vegetable-man caught in the mess. But, sadly, there was none.

"Kakyo, show me what Kamui is doing now." Fuma, or better known in this current location as 'the other Kamui' ordered, after things quieted down a bit, while Seishiro, surprisingly enough, sat quietly in the corner, just watching.

Kakyo sighed, and pointed over to an image that was materializing from the darkness. It took the shape of Kamui himself, sitting in a kitchen, and opening a cup of pudding, preparing to eat it. Satsuki decided that this was boring too, so she quickly exited from the room, deciding she didn't really care what images would be portrayed from the future. She made her way down the hallway yet again, down to her room where her Beast was resting. She had to walk through Kanoe's room and upon doing so, also walked in on Kanoe, Yuto, and Kusinagi doing yoga lessons, of all things, each with an open book labeled 'Yoga for dummies' in front of them.

"Who knew this would be so relaxing?" Yuto said, flipping the page w/ his free hand.

"Speak for yourself." Kusinagi replied, with a bit of difficulty, while Kanoe watched laughing as he tried to flip his foot over his head.

After seeing the three of them in positions best not described, Satsuki, now having her daily dose of distubities, left the room as fast as she could, to Beast. While Kakyo on the other hand, was being forced to show Seishiro, and Fuma all the dreams that he could conjure up for them.

Ishi back again! The third person thing wasn't working out. I've found that it's just best to leave it inside the story! Dang this one was a short chapter! Oh well, the next one will make up for that! Now that I think about it, is that really a good thing, or a bad thing? Well, keep reading anyway! Oh, and don't mind the 'somehow baby' thing. Me and Ki have been talking about that since forever! It's a complicated thing really, best not explained here. And I wasn't joking about the fact that there were more somehow babies before Spawn's time (yes, his name is Spawn, is that cruel?) and some of them are actual characters, and some are from our own imagination. For some reason, Hiei is Kenshin's (from 'Rurouni Kenshin') overprotective mother, and his father is Kurama, so that means Kenshin is a somehow baby, and he and Sano have a somehow baby named Stephanie. It's crazy! Like I said, best not explained here.


	3. Ch3: The new Chairman

Nothing like some pudding

Chapter three, The new chairman

THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO DON'T READ CLAMP SCHOOL DETECTIVES or other various thing by Clamp! This part of the story includes some minor characters from X, who have their own series, and are the main characters of it! And its not Tokyo Babylon (besides I think Subaru and Seishiro are main characters in X anyway), Clamp School detectives' Nokoru, Suoh, and Akira! Does anyone remember them from X? Anyone! So anyways, there are a lot of shout outs to 'Clamp School defenders: Dukylon' and 'Magic Knight Rayearth' in this chapter too! If you don't read these things, that's ok too, just sit back and read!

Disclaimer: I don't own…get ready it's long… Clamp School Detectives, Clamp School Defenders: Dukylon, Magic Knight Rayearth, Tokyo Babylon, X, or Yami no Matsue, or anyone from them! (Notice all except for one of them is by CLAMP. Am I really that obsessed?)

All he could think about was domination. However, he would have to start out small, then gradually move higher and higher. He could think of no better place to start out at but Clamp Academy, highest elevation in Japan. The plan was brilliant; he waited until the chairman's two henchmen were gone. Akira, in a cooking class, and Suoh, well, we didn't know where he was, but that didn't matter, all that mattered was that the almighty Nokoru was alone, and was so carelessly unaware. That was when he attacked. For when the chairman fell, his glory and honor would fall with him, and his rights to chairman.

About a day after Nokoru was attacked and held prisoner…

"Come on, I have to eat some time!" Nokoru yelled from the corner of his office. It had been about a day since he was attacked, blindfolded, and chained tightly to the wall by long, thick ribbons, that were black and red. He was wearing only undergarments, but not any normal ones, for he had on a frilly bra, with equally frilly panties. Yes, he was in women's lingerie!

"You didn't have to strip me down to my undergarments you know." Nokoru complained. Kamui turned his chair around to face the humiliated man. Sitting on his lap was a completely hairless (except for the top of her head) black dog, which he was petting. With his free hand, he held a black fan in front of his face, covering everything except for his eyes, which were hidden by a pair of dark black glasses.

"But that's what makes it funny." Kamui replied to the ex-chairman. "Right Minnie-san?" He added to the hairless dog, who, in response, licked the bottom of his chin.

Just then, the computer on the desk made a loud 'beeeeeep' noise, accompanied by a creepy-looking old man, dancing around the screensaver, and saying in a high-pitched voice, "Alert, alert!" repeatedly. This caught Kamui by surprise.

"Oh no, there's trouble on Campus!" Said Nokoru, who instantly recognized the noise.

"I see, but that is a pretty damn weird way to alert you." Kamui said, looking at the report the computer gave. "Well, desperate times call for desperate measures!" and with that, Kamui pressed a button on the side of his chair.

While all of this was going on, Seiichiro Aoki was walking to his office to do some editing work for the monthly Asuka, when he suddenly felt the floor slide out from under him. Looking down, he saw a newly made hole caused by him triggering a hidden door, and since he didn't have enough time to react, he simply fell through it, and down a long underground tunnel, until he found himself falling flat onto a hard concrete floor of a secret underground bunker. Soon after, he was accompanied by a fellow Seal, none other than Sorata Arisugawa, who had been previously walking through the hallway of the campus trying to make it to his next class, and then falling through a similar hole. The suddenness of their calling could only mean one thing; there was trouble on the Clamp Campus, a job fit for none other than the Clamp School Defenders!

Their attention was drawn to the wall in front of them, which a large TV turned itself on, to display Kamui, sunglasses, fan, hairless dog and all, on the screen.

"I had a feeling it was you who sent us hear." Sora said.

"What did you call us for, Chief?" Aoki-san questioned.

"I called you here today because there is a catastrophe in the Clamp kitchen." Kamui explained, "Remember the new toasters that were bought by the late chairman? Well, lately, they've been doing strange things, like shooting out completely burnt toast, shocking those who tried to unplug them, really sick shit, anyway, today they went completely berserk! It's up to you to stop this madness. Are you up for it?"

"Yes, sir!" The two men said in unison, then, quickly, they discarded their clothes, and put on the traditional, 'Clamp school Defenders' uniforms, and armor. Then, as quickly as you could say 'Subaru, Seishiro, and Pants' they were off to the kitchen, to stop the evil toasters.

When they reached the main kitchen, they were horrorstruck. The toasters were strangling the cooks, and firing rock-hard toast at the lunch ladies. What was worse, the Clamp School Defenders had to get to work quickly, for the bell for lunch would ring in about five minutes!

They're first plan was to attack each toaster one by one, but there were so many and they had hostages!

"What should we do Aoki-san?" Sorata asked.

"We must find the source of their power! And fast, we only have four minutes left!" he answered. And with that, Sora quickly conjured up some of his powers, of electricity, when he had enough electrical discharge, he grabbed the nearest toaster by the cord, which just so happened to be the main toaster (even though it doesn't really make sense just go with it). Instantly, a wave of electricity flew over all of the evil toasters, causing them to break down one by one. Sure this did cause the cooks and lunch ladies' hair to stand on end, but they were all ok for the most part. Just in time for the lunch bell to ring, and kids to come storming into the cafeteria waiting for a chance to get their food.

"Well that surely was a shocking ending." Said Seiichiro when it was all over with.

"Dude, that sounded so gay." Sora said back.

"Yes, well, I'm an old married father, I'm suppose to crack cheese jokes like this." He replied back to Sora laughing.

After they checked in with Kamui, or 'Chief', they headed back to their normal locations in the world and all was calm.

Scratch that, all was not calm, for Minnie-san, the hairless dog, who was currently sleeping, woke up, fully alert, and pointed her nose in the direction of the door to the chairman's office. Kamui noted this, and could think of only two possible reasons for her to react that way, one, there was someone within a twelve foot radius with doggie treats, or intruders were coming.

Just then, the door flew open to reveal Suoh and Akira, armed and dangerous with water guns! Well, at least we know that it wasn't the doggie treats.

"We're here to take back Nokoru, so he can reclaim his position as chairman!" Suoh said to Kamui, who sat there calmly, with out showing any signs of surprise, or anger for their sudden intrusion.

"How nice! He must be very good in bed if you want him back that badly, but I'm afraid I can't let him go, I mean come on, doesn't he make lovely decoration?" Kamui said to them, looking over at Nokoru in his lingerie. However, this may have caused some embarrassment between the three chairmen, but it didn't make Suoh and Akira back down. They were determined to get Nokoru back, ah, such friendship!

"Ok then, looks like I'll have to bring in the big guns!." Kamui said happily. Then, he put his hands together as if praying, and said "I summon thee, Magic Knights!"

There was a big flash of light, blinding everyone in the room, except for Nokoru who was still blindfolded of course, but he couldn't see what was going on anyway. In the center of the room appeared three more of the seven seals, Arashi, Yuzuriha, and Karen.

"Magic Knights! Help me eliminate these intruders!" Kamui instructed.

"Of course Chief!" They said together as they each pulled out their own swords. Arashi's from her left hand, Yuzuriha from Inuki, and Karen…uh… from one of her really, really long boots! Then, the three 'Magic Knights' took on Akira and Suoh.

The trio fought as a team, but Suoh, and Akira fought for love! When Yuzuriha snuck up behind Akira, to prepare a surprise attack, he quickly dodged her sword and squirted some water into her eyes, making her temporarily blind. While Suoh was attacked from the front and back by Karen and Arashi, he quickly ducked down out of the way, and watched as the two collided.

But, despite all of that, the Magic Knights kept going headstrong. Jumping back, they put some distance between themselves and Suoh and Akira, also to get their bearings.

"They're tough!" Yuzuriha exclaimed.

"Yes, but we can defeat them if we try!" Arashi said, so with that they prepared their last attack on their enemies.

"Fire Arrow!" yelled Karen, as flames materialized from around Karen, then took off to Suoh and Akira's direction. Making a direct hit, the two boys lit up like candles. In a state of panic, they began to run around shooting each other with the water guns in hopes to put out the flames.

"Ice Blade!" Arashi yelled next, as gallons of water flew out from her sword and hit the two flaming lunatics. It did put out the fire, but the only downfall of this was that the water was freezing cold, so the two chairmen stood shaking.

"Binding Wind!" Yuzuriha shouted last, as a harsh breeze came into the room. Within seconds, the wind became so strong that it picked up Suoh and Akira right off their feet and out of the room in a vacuum suction type of thing.

"Good work Magic Knights!" Kamui thanked them after all was said and done, and with that, they exited.

"Look you crazy man you," Nokoru said after they left, "not only am I surprised that these ribbons stayed in tack and are still strapping me to the wall, but I'm even more surprised that you were able to build together your own fighting forces, containing five people in it no less! All in one day at that!"

"Yes, just imagine what I could do in a week! Ha, ha, ha! All of you reading this, look at what an overdose of pudding can do to you!" Kamui said laughing and petting Minnie-san.

"Even though I don't know the meaning of your last statement, consider me impressed."


End file.
